last year’s pumpkin creation… used as a bit of dbt distress tolerance for me
“I don’t control the past, present, or future. I just live one day at a time. Enjoying everyday, enjoying the sunrise and the sunset. Enjoying the flowers blooming and birds singing, enjoying the moments that make me smile and the moments that make me upset. But I know that tomorrow is a new day and anything can happen. I try to enjoy the little things in life and try not to dwell on the moments in the past, yes sometimes I think about it them but I let them be memories events in my life that have shaped me into the person that I am today.”
Profound Mercenary
“What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do.”
Aristotle
— something to remember when fighting urges —
“You can’t go back to how things were. How you thought they were. All you really have is…now.”
Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
So…
tonight was rough.
Last year I went to see the fireworks from Pointe 400 — best view ever.
This year? I hung out with a guy I dated (very briefly) back in December 2010 - Januaryish 2011… Originally it was supposed to be just desserts/snacks at his place then watching fireworks on the river in his town…
game plan changed and all of a sudden they were doing dinner beforehand at Buffalo Wild Wings.
I went.
M was there - she’s a US Marshall. During the meal, as I’m cutting mine up to help relieve anxiety, she puts her hand on mine and tells me, “you can eat this. just relax” — which was super weird as NO ONE in that group has been told anything about my eating issues… NONE of them have I mentioned it to.
Later on - back at my ex’s place - a series of weird interactions happened with him - Making my anxiety high(er)… even after M started telling stories… which are always interesting. so I went to the restroom and next thing I know she’s knocking on the door…
yes. a US Marshall (and my therapist - coaching text on a holiday - I’m a jerk sometimes) helped keep me from throwing up my entire dinner. A tiny bit did come up.. but I am calling success… as I employed Opposite Action, Distraction, Coaching Text, More Distraction, and then Stopped.
