So here it is.

I’m withholding the name of the website, but if you really want to know, you can message me.

I was a member of an eating disorder recovery forum. I’m blunt. I’m honest. I’m to the point. and I will argue for what i believe.

If someone does something hypocritical I will point it out (because oftentimes you don’t see it when you’re doing something hypocritical) - this has been done to me in turn.

well, someone left the forum (never said I was the reason), but I have a feeling a heated discussion we got into was likely the cause


Anyway, the moderators of that forum sent me a laundry list of past events that “prove” why my actions are (in their words): hurtful, aggressive, abusive, argumentative, hostile, framed in anger and arguments, and on and on They continued on mentioning when I told a member her action was hypocritical (I NEVER called her hypocritical and NEVER would) and then proceeded to say that I have a chip on my shoulder and am not behaving like I used to and that it is not okay. Who I am at present is not okay and needs to change.

I’m sorry, but since when is sending someone a huge list of things that are wrong about them/what they’re doing right? How is attacking my person (not just my actions) right?

It’s wrong. Even if you don’t agree with my way of communicating, that’s still wrong and it doesn’t make belittling someone that way right.

I posted a goodbye message and it got worse by one of the mods reiterating to me that I needed to change who I am. They also keep deleting it… Why delete the truth? It wasn’t written in anger it was written in sadness

Such an incredibly cruel thing to do. Hurtful.

So…

a lot of awkwardness just happened.

I went with my dog to get FroYo at the place beneath McCallum. Sort of a “I’m finally done with finals, not living at the library, not working tonight, and actually can spend time with my puppy” thing.

Anyway, there I am with my dog in my lap, Economics books spread out - looking up information for that summer research project - and Dr. A walks out. The same Dr. I’ve been sending letters to every two months… to make sure that she knows that her work mattered to someone.

So in all fairness the standard rule is to allow the patient to make first contact (if they wish to). But she was far-ish away and I was sitting down… We locked eyes, she went to her car. Pulled her car out partways - so it was angled at me - but not yet straight… She literally stared for quite some time. I looked back at my Econ stuff, looked back up a bit later and she was still staring.

Finally she finished backing out, and turned down the way (where I was) to get out of the parking lot and didn’t even glance at me, eyes focused straight ahead.

So so so uncomfortable.

So so so awkward.

I wish she would’ve just said hello (though I know she wouldn’t have due to that “rule”) or that I would have (and that that wouldn’t have been awkward)

what is strange about this power point slide?

I was discussing with a friend of mine a habit I am developing of mailing a letter to this person that used to be in my life every two months. Out of two letters (or rather cards) she’s not responded and if I’m to be truly honest, I don’t think she ever will (due to the nature of what type of relationship we had).

I partially feel like Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower, but mostly I feel a little sad and fearful that if I don’t send the letters she’ll forget me when I can’t forget about her (because there’s no one else in my life I had the same sort of conversations with or had that same dynamic with). I also want her to realize and know that she mattered to someone. I think that’s such an improtant thing for a person to know.

My thoughts on the “STL Can’t Live on $7.25” Strikes:

• Strikes are difficult. It’s hard to lobby people and it’s hard for those people to hold out for longer than the big corporations. Who’s going to run out of money first? Odds are it’s the people striking.
• Demands should be reasonable. I’m sorry… but asking for $15/hr? That’s NOT reasonable. Hell, a lot of people with degrees (doing jobs that require those degrees) don’t get paid $15/hr. Working retail I get FAR less than that (above $7.35 though)
• Can you handle losing your job when/if this doesn’t pan out? I doubt everyone will be welcomed back with open arms…

I mean… really?

Can’t quite decide if I’m being a jerk or not…

So right before my brother-in-law was being interviewed by all these big sources about his photography he asked me to redo his website, hosted on WordPress. I upgraded him to WordPress.org (paying all his hosting costs) and created a photography theme for the site. I set-up e-commerce on the site to make his prints available for purchase and all that jazz. People even commented on how great his website was and how well it showed off his photography.

Well, he now decides he’s going to change everything I did. Changes it to a free theme that doesn’t even allow him usage of his logo. The change wasn’t a smooth one either and now not only does his e-commerce no longer work, but his contact page is also defunct.

He wants me to fix it.. literally sending me like 4 or 5 text messages. 

but I’m sort of like… I spent a lot of time and a lot of money (well… not a lot, but over $100) to get you all set up and then YOU messed it up. so YOU clean it up.

I’ve been ignoring him… luckily he might just think I’m about to go to bed.

So…

I went and saw a counselor at my college today. It was supposed to be a 45 minute/1 hour appt. I was there for almost 2 hours. She kept asking me more questions and telling me she thought what I was saying was really important. That she enjoyed hearing my story…

and then she told me she didn’t think she could help me. which she had to have realized before we neared that two hour mark… so why’d she keep on delving into my personal information?

and i sort of liked her too.

weirder? apparently there’s no counselor at UMSL at has experience with eating disorders.

i tried.

and i really don’t think i’ll continue to lose weight. i think i’m just still affected by that email i got awhile back.

this was just supposed to be a precautionary sort of thing anyway.

i just never thought i’d be rejected… well, i thought i’d be rejected under the pretense that i didn’t need to be there, not because they couldn’t help me. and certainly not after spending more time with me than they were supposed to.

people are often fascinated with me, but unable to handle me.

tales of an empty library…

yoga in between bouts of studying economics is clearly the best idea ever…

People’s responses to the red human rights campaign’s logo taking over profile pictures on Facebook has me re-evaluating my opinions of people…

Snow day selfies with my pup n stuff

some little puppy had a bit too much snow today… and yes, there’s snow and it’s almost April…

on my twitter and facebook feed.

Diagnoses

Missourinet reports that state Sen. David Pearce (R-Warrensburg) has introduced a bill into committee that would “mandate health insurance coverage for Missourians with eating disorders that would cover the diagnosis and treatment of the eating disorder as well as residential, medical, and psychiatric treatment.”

While Pearce’s proposal is capped at $30,000 per beneficiary — to be paid for out of the state’s general fund — it still represents one of the most comprehensive approaches to addressing a public health concern that often goes ignored:

Pearce says funding for the coverage would stem from the state’s heath plan. “The funding, I would assume would come from general revenue. A lot of this would be done by the Missouri consolidated health plan,” he said. “So a lot of that could be taken from existing information, statistics, that the state already has.”

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